From the moment I found out I was pregnant, so much went through my mind. I felt like my head and chest were going to explode. My mind immediately went racing down the path of the unknown. How was I going to handle raising two babies? My parents did it, so I knew it was possible, but I also knew how challenging it would be.
When people found out I was having twins, I immediately became a spectacle. I know that people are just curious. A lot of people find twins intriguing, but curiosity can quickly become quite invasive. I never minded answering questions from people who were genuinely interested and polite, but not everyone was. People even asked if we used IVF OR IUI (something I would never ask any woman, especially if I don't know them). Like yes ma'am, I'm a 22-year-old college student that can afford that. Or, Imagine if that was the route we took, and I wanted to keep that private. A stranger would have taken that away from me. Luckily, that has only happened to me a few times, and now I can just laugh to myself when I get questions like that.
Physically being pregnant with twins felt normal. My body's never known anything different, so I don't have anything else to compare it to. I did grow quite large, pretty fast. I couldn't get into my jeans by the 12th week. My breasts were ginormous, and my back hurt all the time. In my 7-8 months, it was hard to stand for long periods, and my feet were always swollen.
Life after pregnancy.
After having the boys, going in public was so much different. Growing up, people were curious and would ask my mom twin questions all the time, but nothing like what I have experienced since having my own twins. People are already so intrigued by the fact that I had twins. But, the fact that their genetic makeup up is so different makes people much more intrusive. At their first newborn check-up, a nurse practitioner, we were seeing flat out told me it looked like I brought home two random babies home from the hospital. What if I did, and they were adopted, how messed up would that have been? On top of already being hormonal, what she said was incredibly insensitive and offensive, it upset me. She even continued to ask prying questions about my ethnicity and Patrick's ethnicity. The fact that she even cared that much was not only unprofessional but just plain weird. Needless to say, we never had another visit with that specific nurse practitioner again.
Whenever I'm alone out in public with the boys, people do stare. Quick grocery store runs are not as fast. People stop me all the time to ask me if they're twins and the amazement on their faces when I tell them yes never gets old. I get questions from strangers about their race, and what ethnicity their father is. I literally have had someone come up to me and ask me, "Is your husband white, he must be white for them to turn out looking like that." Just ignorant, rude, and disrespectful, and the disappointment in their eyes when I told them "no" is pretty disturbing. For one, I would never go up to someone and their children and ask them about their genetic makeup, it's just not important to me.
I feel like this is just a mom thing in general. We all do it. We feel guilty for things we can't even control. I know for me, this is something I have to work on. As a mother, I feel guilt for many of the same reasons you do. I've given my kids chicken nuggets for lunch for a week straight. I've let a diaper stay on them a little too long, and their little booties break out. Some days my patience is short, and I get all worked up. There are moments when I'm so over being touched I just have to go sit in the bathroom alone for a couple minutes to reset. It happens, we're not perfect.
Some days I feel like a failure. Sometimes I just don't have the answers. Sometimes they are so ANNOYING, and I have to remember it okay for me to wish my toddlers would stop screaming at me because I won't let them dive head-first off the back of the couch onto the hardwood.
Something I've learned early on that most parents don't understand until later on with there second child is that you just have to ride the waves. All you can do us buckle up and pray everyone comes out of it in one piece. Kids are unpredictable, even when you think you know every little thing about them. They are changing everyday.
Constantly being divided between the demands of babies is stressful. They each have their very own personality that couldn't be more opposite from one another. You have two completely different people who are the same age needing so much from you. It's overwhelming, but nothing has made me more tired and proud to be their mama. Raising twins has been one hell of a ride so far. You know that saying, "the days are long but the years are short"? Well, that is most definitely true. Watching these two little people learn and discover the world around them has been exhausting and priceless. Never a dull moment, that's for sure.